Maybe We're All Like Mrs. Dalloway?

When we were close to finishing the story, Finn, Karenna, and I all took a random “Which Mrs. Dalloway Character Are You?” quiz out of curiosity during a brain break. Both Karenna and I got Mrs. Dalloway and Finn got Sally Seton. I found these results pretty accurate as when I was reading the book, I found Clarissa’s character quite relatable. From her outlook on religion to the jealousy she felt towards others, I realized that even with the major age and wealth gap, she was still a regular girl at heart. Though it was a pain to be inside her head at times, many of her revelations about life, love, and death resonated with me. 

For example, Clarissa’s relationship with Peter Walsh. I too had my own, but not in the same “romantic” sense. My Peter was my biggest supporter and critic. “Peter” would constantly tear me down, and a lot of the time they were right about the things they said. For most of my high school career I searched for validation in others whether it be friends, partners, teachers, my family, but much like Clarissa as I’ve grown up, I’ve realized that I should have been searching for that validation in myself. 

Something painfully ironic as well is that I have been described as the perfect hostess by my friends and family as well. I take pride, much like Clarissa, in giving my loved ones that flawless experience and taking on the great burden of purchasing snacks. 

I think this is what makes Clarissa so interesting to me. She is constantly reflecting on her choices and wondering what her life could have been and as I’m about to enter the next chapter of my life (as cheesy as it sounds), I want to continue being the person I want to be. She gave herself a purpose and while it may seem “small” in the scheme of things, it made her happy. Even though I obviously have not experienced the kind of life Clarissa has, I understand the feeling of looking back at an old, almost unrecognizable version of yourself and wondering why you cared so much about someone’s opinion. 

It was funny taking the quiz and seeing which characters we got and I never realized it would inspire my blog post. All in all, Clarissa’s character is one of my favorites because underneath the disguise she puts on, she is still a person trying to figure out who she is and whether the choices she's made are the right ones. Honestly, all of us are still trying to figure that out too, no matter what stage of life we’re in. 

- Lily Rowell

Milk and Cookies

  The Mezzanine by Nicholson Baker is a story I find hard to describe. It’s about everything and seemingly “nothing” at the same time if you compare it to other modern works. All 135 pages are full of thoroughly observed and “interesting” moments in Howie’s past, present, and future. When reading, it was hard to believe that all of this–every long footnote, awkward coworker interaction, and every straw tangent, was all packed into one short escalator ride. However, what stood out to me most out of all the recurring themes in this novel were the moments Howie brought up his milk and cookies that he purchased and ate on his lunch break.

Picturing a full-grown adult purchasing a small box of milk (which Howie made sure to include the differences in packaging since he was a kid) and a pack of cookies to eat at his big-boy job on his big-boy lunch break was so hilarious to me. Of course, we all at times indulge in childish behavior, like playing with old toys, and there is nothing wrong with that at all, but it’s Howie’s self-resentment for having those thoughts that stood out to me. Howie encapsulates his feelings surrounding his milk and cookie purchase as “something he should have outgrown,” which, yes, most adults do, but why? Why do we all force ourselves to grow up and only do “adult” things? At a certain point, Howie was grasping this idea too when he had the revelation that most of his thoughts were either repetitions/based on experience from his childhood and not “real adult thoughts”. Even though I am still a kid, I do find myself thinking about my early childhood. One time, I got food poisoning which in turn made me hate Chipotle for about three years, and while this example may just be a not wanting to get sick thing, we're all experiencing the world for the first time, so it makes sense our curiosity is at an all-time high. I would constantly ask my parents, “What’s this?” or “Why does this do that?” and Howie continues to do this even at his age. His childlike, awkward, and overly observant behavior isn’t a flaw, but maybe it’s some of his best qualities. These milk and cookies are more than just a quirk; they represent this little piece of childhood he’s carried into his adulthood, along with the need to impress his father with his fancy ties, his infatuation with why elevators have grooves, or why milk cartons even changed shape. 

Most of us are at a time in our lives where we are becoming adults, learning how to navigate the real world, but Howie really reminded me that things that may be “immature” to others don’t have to be. Maybe Baker is trying to make a point about adulthood and how we don't need to force ourselves to like coffee just because we’re “supposed to.” This is what really made the novel work for me. Howie approaches everything with the same curiosity and turns his somewhat mediocre life into one full of “interesting” things and moments. Even though he knows the answers and doesn’t need to ask himself in depth why hand dryers are so inefficiently designed, he still does, and in doing so, he turns one insignificant observation into a journey. To me, Baker is suggesting that maybe we should carry the best parts of our childhood with us and continue to stay curious.

- Lily Rowell